I realize that I contemplate insanity a lot. Mostly because I feel like I’m on the verge of it a lot. I know that a large portion of people say the same thing, but I really do mean it. Some moments I feel like I’m seconds away from beginning to talk to the posters on my wall. I also realize that I’ve written about insanity before, but it’s a very relative subject. When every part of your life is hard, isn’t it realistic that sometimes you feel like you need to be placed in some mental institution? I think to myself, “maybe things would be easier if I was locked away…..and heavily medicated. Maybe I wouldn’t care about things being hard, and therefore my stress level would drop an awful lot. Maybe I wouldn’t care about doing as many things, and therefore I wouldn’t do them, which would eliminate any struggle. Maybe, just maybe I wouldn’t think so fucking much, which would be a very beautiful thing.”
None of that is logical though. None of that is real. My reality is struggle. It always has been, and it always will be. The true challenge isn’t the struggle itself. The true challenge is finding a way to come to terms with it, to accept, to completely embrace it. I’ll get there one day.

Side Note: if you are wondering what prompted this explosion of thought, I will tell you. It took me an hour to get ready for bed tonight.  I’ve been told that I shouldn’t compare myself to “normal” people, but that’s easier said than done sometimes.